You may be asking, What is “Stinkin Thinkin”? It’s just a phrase that accurately describes the negative thoughts that attack our brains on a regular basis, when it comes to actions, words, goals, self, others, etc.
When you’ve asked for a raise at work, it’s that little voice inside your head that says, “I’m sure my boss is going to deny my request, citing the budget won’t allow for it, or that I haven’t been with the company long enough…”
When you finally agree to allow your friend to set you up on a blind date, it’s that voice that says as you’re getting ready, “This is probably a complete waste of my time. I’m sure I won’t like this person.”
When you decide to take the first step toward that diet you want to go on, it’s that voice that echoes in your ears, “I’m never going to reach my goal on this…why am I even bothering?”
When you’ve committed yourself to a particular event or activity you’re not so into, it’s that inner voice that says, “This is going to be so boring. Why did I agree to this?”
Stinkin Thinkin
It’s just another way of describing those little toxic thoughts that come and go in our every day lives, that we just don’t even recognize as a problem. It’s that natural “Defeatist” mentality that we experience from word go, in certain situations.
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There aren’t too many people in this world that are completely immune to the sneaky little voices that creep in from time to time. We all have some sort of insecurity, in some area of our lives. No one is 100% confident at all times…I don’t care who you are. You may indeed be someone who tends to see the glass as half full vs. half empty, on most occasions. If that is the case, you already have a bit of an advantage over others!
Good Job!
However, you can probably name at least one area of your life where you find a more negative thought process happening.
That is called, “Stinkin Thinkin”…according to Juan, at least.
Who is Juan? Juan is a friend, who happens to be involved in the Social Therapy field. The collection of his overall thoughts, opinions, and advice are commonly referred to as “The Book Of Juan”, in this household. It is Juan’s opinion that relationships (personal or societal) that fail, often have a large presence of Stinkin Thinkin. In other words, you already have formulated (at least subconsciously), a preconceived outcome for a particular situation, before you have even had the actual experience.
It’s not uncommon. We have a set of records in our brains, based on knowledge, observation, perspective, …and most of all, Past Experiences from similar situations. It’s only natural that we play a scenario out, based on our expectation of what we feel is likely to happen. We are not bad for that. It seems to mostly stem from the fact that we are protecting ourselves from disappointment. It is essentially, a shield of sorts.
With his clients, Juan tends to promote self reflection when it comes to that all too natural, negative voice inside our heads. In his opinion, (and I do firmly agree), the outcome of a situation, starts with ourselves.
To Be Or Not Be…
Do we Want to be Happy? Or, are we so comfortable with the negative aspects of life, that the negativity is preferred over the Positivity? Disappointment is what we are used to? Why even think of the possibility that we may have a joyful moment or outcome?
Does that mean we have to exist in that realm? No.
From Juan’s perspective, we should try to be more self aware. We should try to catch that little voice, as soon as it starts, and toss it out with the week’s garbage. Don’t even give that greedy little thought, a second of your time. It is simply not productive. Consider it your enemy.
Is he correct in how he tries to approach the mental aspect? Absolutely.
Is it easy to change? NO. Not by a long shot.
Your brain has already had many years to be programmed a certain way, from both personal experiences as well as outside sources. It will take a bit of practice to rewire your way of thinking.
Can it be done? I personally think so, for the most part. Again, insecurity will always exist in some fashion, within our lives. It just doesn’t have to be the center focus of our lives.
According to Juan, as soon as you start to feel Off Balance, Edgy, Irritable, Overthinking an event, etc., you should start by trying to shut down mentally for a moment. That could mean holding your breath for 10 seconds and releasing slowly. You can then start to re-evaluate the situation with a clear mind.
Playing “Devil’s Advocate” with yourself is another method. Instead of allowing your mind to lead with the idea you will be disappointed in a certain situation, ask yourself what the best case scenario could possibly be. You may find that if you begin thinking only the best will happen, your positive attitude can actually influence the physical outcome in reality.
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- Practice daily gratitude.
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Following Thru…
Follow Through is next. Okay…so you went on that blind date that you were initially dreading. You were able to convince yourself to have a good time, no matter what. It turns out your positive attitude did allow for a little of that. However, you’re a bit unsure as to whether or not that person is worth a second or third date. Instead of zoning in on that person’s little quirks you don’t feel so tolerant of, ask what aspects he/she lended to the evening that influenced your overall experience. If in fact, that person contributed more pros than cons, why would you waste time second guessing the little quirks? Send that text or make that call. What do you have to loose? Maybe an hour or so of your life that you would have spent on the couch, watching tv. Big Whoop!
The boss may actually fight you for that raise that you feel you have definitely earned. Instead of presenting your request with the expectation that you will be denied, why not focus on the fact that your boss may actually see you? Maybe he/she has recognized your efforts, expertise, attitude, etc. Maybe she/he has only been holding out on a reward because profits have been down? Okay. Consider from that perspective and maybe suggest a follow up conversation within a couple of months. Understanding, quiet persistence, and benefit of doubt can go a long way.
Above All…
Value Yourself, Above All. Pull out a sheet of paper and list the good qualities about yourself. They don’t have to be extravagant. Everyone has strong suits as well as weak ones. You’re Human. Be okay with that. However, when you are actually able to see on paper what you do have to offer, it helps your confidence at the end of the day. The confidence leads to more positive thinking…leading to a better outcome, and so on.
Perspective & The Neutral Observer…
Humility. Maybe you’re feeling kind of cranky for whatever reason. You might feel stressed overall, tired, anxious, sensitive, etc. You feel it in your bones and you Know full well it is because someone or something made you feel this way. Is that the case really, tho?
It is sometimes important to put yourself in the position of the Neutral Observer. According to Juan, we get so focused on the things that directly impact our own emotions that we leave no space for viewing things from another vantage point. There is something to those little quotes about walking in another person’s shoes. If you are too self involved, you forget to see the other person. Without that basic understanding that we all have our own experiences, views, feelings, etc., that bridge to more positive thinking in every day life, becomes longer.
History…
Examining your personal history also seems to be a major point of conversation with Juan. What experiences through the years have shaped your opinions and actions with certain aspects of life? Are they really your own opinions or are they the opinions of others close to you, that you’ve accepted over time? Honestly answering that question can ultimately lead you to re-evaluate and begin thinking with a more neutral frame of mind. That of course, can lead to trust and positive thinking overall.
Empathy – Keeping it in check. Not every feeling in the room has to be yours. It is hard to separate yourself emotionally and mentally, from others if you are very empathic. That big heart of yours gets in the way of that neutral observer position. That leads to anxiety, assumptions, and just plain Stinkin Thinkin. Try to keep enough distance within your mind, to decipher where your opinions/emotions end, and the opinions/emotions of the other party, begin.
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Final Thoughts…
The above pointers are quite basic. There are of course, plenty of tips and strategies for combating negative thoughts in our daily lives. However, do you actually want to spend your entire existence analyzing every single thought, feeling, action that you personally put out?
Uh…No. I think I can hire any number of psychologists in my area, if I really want to dive into that never ending rabbit hole. I prefer not to. Life is too short. I prefer to stick with “The Book Of Juan” for the moment. He does have a few valid points and easy strategical steps you can implement immediately. It really does only take a brief pause before acting, in order to begin the battle against Stinkin Thinkin.
Start by looking in the mirror perhaps. Walk your talk. Have Confidence, while keeping that ego at bay. Appreciate yourself as well as others.
Above all, Remember: Good Experiences start with your ability to imagine Positive outcomes.
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